So, the other day I was talking to my dad and brother on a conference call. Sooooo 90’s. And my brother made a joke about getting my dad a cake with purses on it for Father’s Day. They both started laughing and I felt left out. Apparently they have both discovered this show “Cake Boss” and they love it. Well, Netflix has always been telling me that I too would love this show, so I gave it a try.
In one day I have watched 9 episodes. Cake Boss is the shit! Not only do you get to see crazy cakes being made, but you also get to see crazy Jersey Italians doing it! I feel like I would love the show in any circumstance because this family is so entertaining. It’s also a great show to watch when you are procrastinating.
But enough about Cake Boss. Let’s talk about something that I really hate: those little sponges with the sole purpose to keep your fingertips nice and moist so you don’t need to lick your fingers.
First off, don’t lick your fingers, use hand lotion or something. Also, cut your nails. If your job is to give people their change at Key Foods, you probably aren’t making the salary of a millionaire. So why the fuck are you spending 10 weeks of paychecks on nails that impair the simplicity of your job?
I hate more than anything those sponges that idiots with long ass fingernails keep next to the cash register so they don’t chafe their precious digits whenever they grab money.
If I wasn’t such a passive aggressive blogger, and perhaps the manager of Key Foods I would make some rules:
1. Don’t have ridiculous fingernails if the only requirement for your job is to use your hands.
2. Get off that stool fat ass
3. That sponge is gross and we all know it is just a growing sess pool, and probably how swine flu was invented.
And the employee of the week is Cake Boss.
Clearly I’m not the only one who hates that sponge business.
Last night I tuned into your station because it was the only place I could watch the Tony Awards. Now, every year I look forward to this day with much anticipation, because I love all things musical theatre. However, last night I was very upset with your broadcast, and the Tony’s in general. Therefore, in this hypothetical letter, I will be blaming everything on you because writing two letters is much too much work for me in this state you have put me in.
1. Sean Hayes. Really?
We all remember you as Jack, the unnecessarily flamboyant character from “Will & Grace”, so needless to say I was excited to see what sort of “gay” tricks you would pull out of your sleeves. Instead you made out with Kristin Chenoweth and wore a spiderman costume. It would have made much more sense for you to feed Miss Chenoweth and not wear the costume at all.
2. Sound Guy
So, maybe I have a piece of shit television, or maybe the sound guy at CBS sucks. I’m pretty sure the sound guy sucks. All I heard were the instumentals, where the f were those creamy harmonies from “American Idiot”?? Nowhere. Lost in the mess of your job.
3. Pairing the shortest boy in the universe with Katie Holmes when she is 7 ft tall
4. Camera Man, Go to AA
The camera men were swerving all over the place and zooming in on stupid shit. This is a BROADWAY awards show. We need to see the whole stage picture, ass.
So obviously CBS, there were a lot of things that upset me about last night’s broadcast. Although I did appreciate Matthew Morrison’s dreamy dance moves, and Lea Michele belting her face off. And Viola Davis’ acceptance speech brought tears to our eyes. And I also liked that Catherine Zeta Jones got played off during her speech. But there were many things, as you can see, that have upset me. Please take this into consideration for next year.
And I forgot to mention Chris Noth looked pretty cracked out. And Denzel seemed drunk too.
So, when it comes to anything involving countries competing against one another I cheer for Italy. Italy takes the cake in many things such as food, clothing, and any other material object one may buy to seem “cool”. But some people may think that their soccer players are a bit “dramatic” or “cowardly” with all of their “injuries”. Well you know what, some people? You are right. Italians are dramatic. And yes, their hair may be ten times thicker and shinier than yours, but does that mean they are girly soccer players? No. Don’t hate the playas, hate the game. Is what I have to say to ANYONE who bashes the Italian soccer team.
But of course, despite my fervent love for all things Italy, team USA is number one in my book. Of course, I’m still rooting for Italy, but unless they’re playing each other (which is a whole different story) I’m a steadfast USA girl for the day.
All I keep hearing about is how Howard has tourette syndrome. Clearly it’s not too much of a “handicap” as he is the highest paid soccer player in the US, so why is everyone so obsessed with it? As an American on Manchester United, I think Tim Howard is pretty much a badass and he better work it today!
Hopefully Wayne Rooney’s groin will get hurt again and the US can beat England like we did in 1950!
But, as I mentioned before the best things are imported from Italy, and Fabio Capello is Italy’s finest.
Being hungover really ruins my day. I always do the same thing: get too drunk, embarrass (btw I hate that word, wtf is with the two r’s and two s’s??) myself at the pizza place across the street, and then the next morning I can’t do anything fun. I had big plans for the day too! But now all I have seemed to accomplish I finishing the second season of “The United States of Tara”. Which is quite good, if you can stand Toni Collette for that long …
But I guess you’re “only young once” as they say, and I did discover a bottle of ketchup in my purse this morning. How is got there? Nobody knows. But I do have a massive hangover.
So today I had to go to the DMV to get my picture taken for a real estate license. The process I was going there for literally takes 5 minutes. However, I got to the one in Herald Square and I realized that it was going to take far longer.
First off, Herald Square is probably the worst place on earth. Or at least Manhattan. For those of you who think Times Square is worse I strongly disagree with you for these reasons:
1. European/Southern Broadway lovers are way more fun than Long Island and Jersey assholes.
2. You can sit in Times Square now.
3. Penn Station is another nightmare.
Those reasons might now be AMAZING but you get where I’m coming from when I say Herald Square sucks.
Anyways, at the DMV there are two types of people. People who hate their lives, and if given a gun would shoot you then themselves. And people who have no idea what’s going on. There was a man in an official suit standing in the center of the DMV answering people’s questions with “I don’t know” “Maybe” and “Well, you should ask that man over there”. The man he was referring too was the one that wants to kill you. So I went on over to him and tried to be as charming as possible, and it worked. He gave me a little gem of advice that is going to help me along my DMV journey: “You’re stupid.”
I’m not kidding. He said that. But he had a good point, it is stupid to wait in a 3 hour line for a 5 minute process, so he suggested that I come in at 8:30 when it’s empty. I tipped my hat and went on my way.
However, I don’t know which is worse: waiting in a three hour line or having to be in Herald Square during rush hour. I guess working at the DMV takes the cake.
At the moment I am looking for an apartment. The process has been alright because our broker is amazing. However, the brokers who are trying the sell the apartment I am currently living in suck. They are constantly barging in without knocking then doing the whole, “Oh, I didn’t realize there were people living here!” Routine. Well, let’s be honest lady, if it’s your fifth time here, I think you should know by now that yes, indeed there are people living here. Yesterday people were even looking at my apartment when my roommate was home alone, and in the shower! And that my friends, is what really grinds my gears.
Ever watch Family Guy? Then you must be familiar with the episode when Peter has a news segment regarding what really “grinds my gears”. This blog is not going to be a compilation of my bitching, but it will include a decent amount of bitching. However, 99% of the things that bother me bother pretty much everyone else as well. So we can all relate to each other. Yay!
Another aspect of my blog will be food. I love food, and whenever I eat something awesome everyone will know! This might make you jealous, but if you live in the New York area (Manhattan, still haven’t worked up the courage to dedicate an entire day/week/month to exploring the food world of Brooklyn) you can totally hit up these delicious treats I speak so highly of.
Side note: foodporndaily.com is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
I will also be using this blog to discuss how much of a nerd I am. And I swear by Apple. So if you still use PC’s or Blackberry cellular devices … Well hopefully I can start to convince you how wrong you are.
Finally, I will use this blog to write funny things that happen to me or that I observe others doing.
So if you don’t like to say the following things you can read other blogs:
1. Yes! I totally agree!
2. I’m hungry.
3. I’m a nerd.
I won’t take it personally if you want to read someone else’s blog, because let’s face it, this is a blog and I won’t really know if nobody is reading it.